Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
