I think my vagina is haunted
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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