In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
