how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
