i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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