you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
