Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
