Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just pee around me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
