Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
