Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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