$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
