When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think a kid would responsible me up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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