Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
