First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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