i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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