i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The power of my boobs compel you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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