I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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