he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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