She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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