If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
