remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
