Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
