Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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