I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize