Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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