I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
