So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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