They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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