i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
