So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He did a backflip because drugs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
