...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
