so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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