thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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