dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
