when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
