Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
