i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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