this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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