one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
