Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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