I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And then he peed in my hair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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