btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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