Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
