Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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