Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
