Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
