By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
