How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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