How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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