worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
