Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
