i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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