Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
