Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
