discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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